By: Pastor Andrea Fruscella
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It was a cold Winter night while Christmas shopping at the dinner hour. Two men spotted me at a side-walk sale of one of my favorite stores. Well being a warm and friendly type personality, I simply smiled and said: " Merry Christmas!" (while beside them between the racks). Never expecting the vulgarity that would come from their mouths to the point of feeling genuinely afraid, I knew I had to flight. It was dark and I had to decide to make a dash for the parking lot or into the store. Therefore, I prayed to seek God's guidance . When I opened my eyes, one of the men literally tried to grab me. My prayer had been answered: RUN inside! It has been my philosophy that if someone were going to try to abduct me, it would be a FIGHT in front of people as opposed to taking me to a secluded area.
It is clear in this life that not everyone can be trusted. We can watch the headline news and see this fact! But it is also clear when one opens their Bible and reads! Joseph mistreated by his own family of origin? Jesus betrayed by one closest to him who was a part of his inner circle of friends or ministry partners? With all the admonishments in the Bible about relationships, one should know that people business is tricky! I'm reminded of the poem called Front Row . It is about life being a theater and we should choose our "audience" carefully because not everyone can handle a front row seat in our lives! So how do we know whom can be trusted?
Firstly, let me just say that there will ALWAYS be an element of risk when it comes to people. We cannot control the choices of others or what they think about us but we can trust God to settle matters in His own time and His own way. It is the goodness of God which leads people to repentance. His ability in us gives us wisdom whom to trust or how to deal with friends (coworkers, convenience friends, common interest, Etc.) in a way that is most glorifying to God. The question is: Will you take the high road if things sour or misunderstandings come in the relationships of your life (spiritual maturity)? Will you choose to honor Him and His Word in your actions/words? (Resolving Everyday Conflict). Can you trust God to orchestrate the people in your life? Some come for a season or special reason... others are meant to stay in your life for a lifetime. It takes seeking God to know the difference. Will you TRUST HIM especially when it comes to close friendships?
Secondly, we must realize that there has to be some standards to look for in people! The question is where will your standards come from? The best advice that I was given as a teen and took it to heart is : "Keep your standards high." It did not come from a Christian. It came from someone involved in an affair whom was going through a divorce. She was realizing her failures and learning from her mistakes. However, I am one whom believes in learning from others mistakes. Therefore, I took that advice and pondered it. I know for me, after I gave my life to Christ there were scriptures that spoke volumes to me in my youth and served as a guide in the choosing of the people in my life. All of Proverbs is full of wisdom and the New Testament became a practical guide in my decisions (Prov 13:20, 1 Corinthians 5-6). Finally, Jesus' example helped explain to me the various levels of friendships. Scholars believe He was closest to John and two others among his inner circle of twelve. However, all the disciples were his friends and he was a "friend" to the multitude as well. He was open and friendly to all whom came upon his path. Likewise, we should be open to divine appointments and ready to be a friend to random people in our path or the people God has led us to in business relationships.
Lastly, not becoming "instantly close friends" with the people in our lives (out of convenience) shows discernment. It takes time to see their character. Overall, what is their attitude toward others? How do they treat people? Are they teachable and humble? Do they harshly judge, criticize or put-down others? How are they with authority when they disagree with something? Do they respect the spiritual leaders in their family or church? Are they competitive? Jealous? Are they prone to selfishness or personal agendas? Do they have deep moral failures or high personal standards? Prayerfully taking these things to God will reveal whatever is hidden! God can give you wisdom to back off, be His spokesperson, and in time show you if this person is a safe person. Know your Bible and be sensitive to the Holy Spirit (i.e. gifts of the spirit, fruit of the spirit). God gives us discernment with people! You can TRUST HIM.